What is next for Marianna?
​​
Hidden Secrets
“What are you hiding from me, Mariana?” He tilted his head.

I hid it from him for two weeks now. A little lie. A sweet, white lie. It wasn’t even that I was lying. It was more of a secret, but I couldn’t tell him. He was firm but always fair. Always. I loved him so much and we had been engaged for a year now. I don’t know how I got so lucky. He had so much patience with my mouth and attitude. I had been through a string of emotionally abusive relationships. We agreed to the D/s life in a way that worked for us. It was mostly otk spanking. It was reminders of love, self-love and staying away from the self-destruction I often went to in times of anxiety.

“Marianna,” he said with a stronger voice.
His eyes were a piercing gray-green. Damn, he was beautiful and sometimes intimidating, sexily intimidating.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Can’t or won’t?” His posture released the tension as he gently grasped my shoulders. His eyes shifted to caring and soft.

I wanted to tell him, I did, but I wanted to surprise him—for once. He was always pampering me, taking care of me, supporting me and this was the biggest surprise; I could barely contain myself.

“Mariana?” he said raising his voice.

“It’s not bad. Please,” I whispered. “Just trust me. It’s good.” I smiled weakly.

The phone interrupted the conversation. His brow wrenched upwards and he looked at me with a displeased look. Telling me the conversation was not over. I went to the store, escaping the best way I knew.

I messaged him. “I am getting things at the store for dinner. Let me know if you need anything xxoo.”

I drove with the top down to the small country store. My hair was flicking around like my mind. At the store, I picked over the produce. I took my time in the butcher section. I was delaying the inevitable. I grabbed the last of the necessities before heading home.

I messaged him. “On my way back. Need anything?”

No response again. A flutter erupted in my chest. It raced across my body. Was I nervous or excited? I didn’t even know. I smiled. Was I really going to take a punishment for a surprise? I laughed aloud and shook my head as I walked up the drive, flowers in hand.

He opened the door for me with an expectant look on his face. He leaned on the door frame and crossed his arms. Arrogantly, he stood awaiting…something.

I walked past him with a huge smile. “Hi baby,” I said.

I carried the two bags in my arms. The flowers were balancing between me and the bag. I set all of his down on the counter. I didn’t want to acknowledge that he may be irritated.

He squinted his eyes. Clearly trying to figure me out. “What are you doing?” he leaned on the dark concrete countertop, watching me. His eyes felt like lasers on my backside.

“Putting groceries away.”

“Uh, huh.” He moved closer to me, as I placed the milk in the fridge.

He spun me around, staring in my eyes. Reading me, the way he can so easily. It drives me crazy. I just wanted this one secret. I pouted to try and throw him off.

“Nope. Tell me. Now.”

I swallowed hard. My breath escaped me. “I-I,” I buttoned up.

“Mariana, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I don’t want to.” I stamped my foot. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t let it go. I tried to turn to go, but he held on to me.

“Please,” I whispered.

The phone rang again, mine this time. I gave him a questioning look.

He nodded. He had an expectant look on his face. He watched me intently, as I spoke on the other line. He was probably trying to be intimidating, and he was, but he was also turning me on.

“Hi, yes, okay. Yes, that is perfect.” I turned my body to shield him from hearing the conversation. “Um, yeah. Correct,” I stumbled and stretched the words, trying to let the caller know that he was standing there with me. “Yes, sounds great. See you then.”

“Who was that?” he asked slyly.

I smiled back. I couldn’t hold it in. I wanted to tell him. I am not good at secrets, at surprises. He was so handsome, so perfect. But I didn’t want to blow it, not after all my planning.

“No one, nothing.” My voice squeaked as it lifted a few octaves.

“No one? That did not sound like no one.” He held his hand out for my phone.

“Christopher, are you jealous?” I teased. My mouth agape to punctuate my brattiness.

“Are you testing me?” He asked.

I loved our playful banter; normally led to me being spanked. Sometimes I would take it too far, and this time, I was trying so hard to distract him.

“Please,” I slouched against the bar and closed my eyes. “Please just trust me.” My voice was low. “Jesus Christ.” I whispered in frustration.

With that he turned me around and smacked my ass hard.

“Fuck!”

He bent me over the counter. I knew what he wanted, what it meant. He grew up in a god-fearing house and I was an atheist. I knew my outburst was one of our ‘rules’.
My breasts were cold against the concrete countertop. It felt like ice through my silk top. I waited, still clenching my phone and the counter. I didn’t want the surprise ruined, and if he wanted to spank me for my insolence, I could take it. But that isn’t what happened.

He unbuttoned my shorts, dropping them to the floor. He started massaging me until moans escaped. He pressed himself behind me. His cologne surrounded us, mingled with his musk. He was delicious, manly and god…I wanted him so badly. He roughly ran his hands up my blouse. Each touch made my breath catch and I worried I would pass out.

“Ow!” I cried out, as he pinched my nipples, twisting them.

The pain tingled and then the heat radiated across my skin. My body was warming up and my mind was beginning to fail me.

“Please,” I whispered, as he continued to rub my pussy on the outside of my panties.

I had already been wet, but now I was trying so hard not to grind against him. My head rocked back as my fingers splayed out on the counter.

He pulled the panties to the side and tapped my legs. “Open them,” he whispered in his deep voice directly into my ear.

“Mmm,” I moaned not even thinking about anything but that moment, that feeling.

His fingers were slipping further and further inside me. Faster, and faster he began to get me to the edge. Faster and faster, faster and…

My breathing was so hard I had to lay my head on the cold concrete. “Please,” I whispered.

He took his fingers out of me, wiped them on the kitchen towel. He tossed it beside me and walked away.

It took me a moment to gather myself, my thoughts and my breath. Fuck. He had my phone.

“No! No!” I ran after him.

I found him putting it in the safe.

My mouth was open.

“You know I would never look at your phone without you saying I can. So, until you tell me what these secrets are about, I will keep it here.”

“Sir,” I fell to my knees.

I was angry, sad and a mixture of emotions I didn’t even know how to express. I had tears and felt my face flush in anger. I fumbled and the words just feel out of my mouth.

“You don’t trust me. You don’t have any idea of how much I fucking do. You don’t appreciate me at-fucking-all. I didn’t enter this relationship to be controlled. How much…” tears exploded.

Chris stood there with a curious look. I think he was taken aback. 

Hmmm what will our little Marianna do???

​Silver Tongue Deceit
 
Wait…wait til the scars are exposed, then you tell the truths of you for him to use.
Wait…wait until the silver tongue laps the wounds closed, and he whips them back open.
Wait…wait until you trust them, then the real pain will come with betrayal.
Wait…wait let’s try again, so his pure disdain for you can be more pronounced.
Wait...wait it was all a lie.
 
You fell into the web of a silver tongued deceitful serpents lie. You are no longer of use to them.

Gifted with sense, robust emotional feeling
Sometimes blessed with healing, but there’s immense pain that comes with it
Strong angel wings, faith in others, hope, and intense want for change.
 
Wanting to empower, to see growth, and personal strength
A zest for life, for change, for new beginnings—an advocate
Time comes for the final plunge, but you falter and ask for yet another helping hand.
 
Betrayal comes on that fateful, prominent day
Showing me your true manipulative ways; using people up like napkins
Hurt, tears were begging to flow, but I refuse them; refuse to allow anyone to see that.

Reawaken ME
 
I read his text, “Hey, babe I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
 
I grinned, when he called me that. We’d been texting; talking for a long time, Jon and I. We’d been speaking long distance and we’d finally get to meet. I was nervous, excited and horny, all rolled into one.
 
Bounding down the tiled walkways of Dulles airport, I was searching around for him. He said he’d be in his work blues; that he was going to be coming directly from work. I began to get nervous and my heart pounded. Where was he? I looked around.
 
“Babe.”
 
I sighed and spun around. The sound of his voice in person sent sparks through me.
 
“Get over here.”
 
I couldn’t stop the smile that was plastered over my face. I wasn’t sure: do I hug him, kiss him? Really, what I wanted to do was jump on him right there in the airport. I flushed, as heated sensations went up and down me and wetness slid between my thighs.
 
“Hi,” I said meekly.
 
“Hi? That’s all I get is a ‘hi’?”
 
“I don’t know what we do. I-” I stuttered a little.
 
He pulled me in for a tight hug and I melted into him. His scent was a mixture of musky and spicy deodorant. The feeling of his arms around me gave me a sense of calm. I didn’t want to let go of him. I was shaking and I heard him inhaling me as well.
 
“You smell as pretty as you look.”
 
I giggled. “I smell as pretty as I look, huh?” I asked, as we pulled away. “Are you going to eat me too?” I teased, narrowing my eyes with the red-riding hood reference.
 
“Mmm hmm. May I kiss you?”
 
“Thought you’d never ask.” I leaned back into him. His hand caressed my butt, as I reached for his shoulder to steady myself, as our lips met and my knees buckled. It had been a long time since I experienced such a powerful pull. “Mmm,” I moaned, as his lips crushed mine. I opened my mouth and pressed my tongue to his. He tasted like coffee and blueberries.
 
“Mmm. Come on,” he tugged me along.
 
I followed, like a love sick puppy and he pulled my rolling luggage. We went to his car in the lot. It was a mid-sized SUV much like mine at home. I squeezed his leg as he sat beside me.
 
He turned to me with a mischievous look that matched the feeling within me.
“I’m going to drop you off and then I am going to make you dinner—a surprise.” He smiled, as he turned to look as he backed up.
 
“Oooh, now that sounds good.” I rubbed my hands together and quirked my eyebrow.
 
 
 
I showered in the milky beige shower, taking care to clean every crevice. And making sure every surface was smooth. He left me for an hour to get things to make for dinner. I escaped the wet and steamy glass enclosed retreat where I’d spent the last 20 minutes. I knew I had to hurry now. I combed my dripping hair and spilt it down the center. I wove each half into thick braids.
 
I looked into the fogged up glass at my creamy, white completion. My pert breasts were dotted with dampness and my light pink nipples were begging to pucker from the change of temperature. I watched a stray rivulet of water drop from the tip of my hair and down my shoulder, over my breast and across my belly. The moisture was absorbed and I reached for my honeysuckle scented cream. I slathered it across my skin. My belly was riddled with excitement as I thought about my plan.
 
Swiftly, I ran into the bedroom and took out the two outfits. I had thought about which one I should choose the entire time I had showered. Still, I had no idea which he’d like best. I paced knowing my time was short. I grabbed some red ribbons and tied them on the end of my pigtail braids.  Once I tied them on, I decided to hurry up and put on the least difficult outfit, due to my lack of time.
 
I let out a chuckle, “like it will be on for very long.” I shimmed into the silky material. It made me grin as I twisted and turned gazing at myself in the full length mirror. It clung to my frame and fell right below my butt. The sides of my nightie were exposed, except for the thin threads of material that held it together.
 
I sauntered out to the kitchen and waited for him to return. I leaned on the cold granite countertop, impatiently. The rustle of the lock alerted me and I stood erect. I came around the front of the countertop that divided us and slid my hand along the smooth, cool, surface.
 
“Well, they didn’t have the…”
 
I turned to look at him, coyly.
 
“Ah,” he cleared his throat.
 
“Forget my name already?” I teased.
 
“I forget my name,” he countered. He placed the bag of groceries down and came at me in one large step. His eyes scanned over me and I could feel the flames licking over every curve.
 
My chest heaved in anticipation, but I snapped back from the trance I was in. I had a plan. He was still in his uniform. Damn, so hot. I dropped to my knees and my hands reached for the zipper. Trembling, I unbuttoned and pulled down the brassy teeth. It felt like eternity and his erection was pressing against his pants, which excited me more.
 
Pace yourself, slowly, Sasha—I told myself internally. I glanced up to see a hungry look in his eyes mirroring my own feelings. I shifted my bare feet on the floor and pulled him out. I looked back at him and he grinned at me as I swallowed hard as the sudden dryness of my throat alarmed me. I hadn’t anticipated him to be so thick. His hand cupped my chin and then moved to my pigtail, tugging lightly on it. He smiled appreciatively and I returned my attention to his throbbing dick.
 
I licked my lips and my tongue darted out to catch the seeping pre-cum, weeping from the head. I used that salty pearl to help coat my lips and prepare myself for him.
 
“Oh,” he took in a sharp breath, as my hot mouth encased the tip.
 
One of my hands gripped his shaft, while the other cradled his sack. “So soft,” I moaned lightly with him in my mouth. My fingers gently toyed and fondled his balls. My mouth and jaw were stretching to take him further, but I wasn’t sure how far I could go. Saliva was dripping everywhere, and coating his shaft. I pulled back and began to slide my tongue up and around the crown, which elicited growls from him.
 
“Sash-” my name was cut short and he leaned forward, as his hand came down on my head. He was breathing in short pants.
 
My hands continued to work, both sliding up and down his shaft tugging him into my mouth. My eyes flickered up to his and I saw his eyes were closed.
 
He pulled back and I whimpered. My lower lip slid out with force and I gave him a pained look. “Wait, just wait you little minx,” he grinned and picked me up and dropped me on the harsh granite countertop; leaving me there.
 
I crossed my arms, as I watched him struggle free from his pants and he placed a condom beside me. I smiled, excited by the turn of events. But then he walked away. I watched him get the bag of groceries and move to the other side of the kitchen. I was about to move, but he saw me.
 
“Don’t move that ass or it will be spanked.”
 
“Ohh, a threat or a promise.”
 
His look was enough to make me not want to move from my spot. I was slick from my juices dripping down. It was almost embarrassing. I was trying to figure out how to hide it when he came around and spread me wide.
 
“Wet for me already? A perfect appetizer.” His heated breath sent a shiver over me and I leaned my head back.
 
I let out a loud and nervous sigh. “Oh,” My hand instinctively pushed his head away at the overwhelming sensation.
 
“You alright?” His concerned look made me melt.
 
“Fine, Jon. I’m just sensitive. Nervous.” I peeked my head up to see him and let him know he was alright to continue.
 
Two fingers splayed me open and he delved inside me again with his strong tongue. A spiraling tingling sensation tore through me. My body hadn’t been touched like this in a very long time. It was being re-awakened and tears whetted my cheeks, as pleasure blossomed within me. Barely able to maintain my breath, I was losing my control.
 
To be continued…

THE LAST TIME

Too many nights spent waiting listening for the door
Too many nights looking at the phone

A text
A call
Tears
They fall

Promises
Broken promises

Tomorrow you’re told it won’t happen again
You’re told they will change
They will stop going out with the guys.
Out for: sports, golf, soccer, rugby, softball, hunting, fishing, trips—away

Away
Always away
Always wishing for that someday
Someday

But that someday will never come.
Your mind burns with hurtful thoughts
What if I’m not sexy?
No longer beautiful
No longer enough
No longer…

You ask, despite your stomach lurches, is she prettier
Like a crack of thunder your temper flares
How do you dare?
Me?

She’s not yet 3 months and he only 2.
Why can’t I make him happy?
What is wrong with me?

NOTHING

Nothing I’ve realized is wrong with me
Nothing is more beautiful than the love I have for my children
Nothing is more powerful than standing up for me and saying…

This is the last time

No more.