When you first fall in love, you feel the shuttering of a burst of butterflies taking flight and smiles never leave your face. The dates, the flowers, the presents, the sex and for most women…the time. It’s time we want. Most men show love with presents, at least the one’s I have known.
First, find out how you like to receive love. You don’t know? Well, how do you show it? That is likely how you wish you would receive it.
- I love showing love by cooking and giving my time.
My sign is Virgo and I am an empath, which means I tend to overextend myself. I am a sign that gets a bad rap, but we tend to give so much in a relationship that we tend to lose ourselves. Empath’s, on top of that pull emotions from whomever is around us, especially our partner, which means we can spin our moods swiftly and deeply.
The basic ways to show love are:
- Time / effort
- Presents/ money
- Touch and physical affection
- Positive words
- Acts of kindness
When it falls apart, raw emotions bubble over. Fighting is healthy in any relationship; it is how you handle them. Fighting to hurt or fighting to understand/fighting to get your point across. Raised voices should never be trying to outdo each other.
When you are lost…you wonder can it ever be fixed? If both of you think it can, look at the list above and ask your partner how they wish to be loved. Pick two each and explain to each other what that really means to you and how that makes you feel. Also, try to do at least one a week for each other. Understand that a present can be something as simple as picking a flower in the yard or a candy bar. Love should never cost a fortune or monopolize all your time.
I have learned something from every change in my life. Every job transition, every loss of a person and every relationship that has ended. You need to consider these things and find a positive in each negative.
How to be the best person in the relationship for both you and your partner?
- SELF ESTEEM - Find positive in all your losses in life. If you cannot, you will not grow. Find what works for you: exercise or other endorphin boosters that are internal triggers that don’t in turn harm yourself or others.
- LOVE YOURSELF -You also need to learn to love yourself. This means do things by yourself and for yourself—Alone. You don’t need a partner attached to your hip to make you happy.
- EXPECTATIONS - Have expectations. You cannot drop or lower your expectations just to fit that person into your life. This also backfires for people like myself (Virgo); I struggle with this. My expectations are extremely high for myself and just as high for everyone else. I am learning that I need to learn to pick my battles. That I need to relax and understand that everything is not a slight against me.
- LISTEN! This is where you acknowledge, turn of the electronics, stop saying “I am sorry” and change the behavior that upsets your partner. This can be done through couple’s therapy too.
- NEVER BE BLISSFULLY IGNORANT – This has two meanings.
- Trust your gut, if you think someone is cheating—they are. As a parent you not only need to protect yourself and life, but that of your children.
- The second meaning is that you need to be OBSERVANT. By not being observant and ignoring the things that your partner has stated that they need help with or don’t like/hurts them, then you are breaking the relationship. Also. if you don’t pay attention to your partner, then you need to be alone because you are being selfish. You need to stop wasting and hurting their heart.
My biggest advice is honestly to be honest. Nothing hurts more than learning you were lied to.
Best of luck my loves.